What Would You Have Done
by willpower1318
Summary: Shawn contemplates Alice Bundy's words and what his own actions would have been had it actually been Gus that had died... Lassiter is there to cheer him up. Extended S1 finale ending.


Alice Bundy sat in the cold cell where she had been placed after her arrest back at the institution. Hearing the rattling of keys in the lock, she turned to see Shawn Spencer standing in the doorway. He had a grim expression that contradicted everything that she had seen so far from him, even when he approached that crazy bitch with the axe.

"You know when we were on the steps outside Wispy Sunny Pines; you asked me what I would have done if it was Gus?" He shifted so that he was leaning on the now closed door and, sighing, ran a hand through his hair before finally crossing both over his chest. "Well I've been thinking about it and I'd like to think that I would take the sensible option, you know…" He was now looking very intensely at a spot near the cell entrance. "… that I would find the killer, arrest them, send them away for the rest of their lives." Now he shifted his gaze to look at her, hands waving trying to display his thought pattern. He had also taken up pacing. "I mean it's what I do for a living. Go to the office, do my psychic thing, get the bad guys, I've solved so many cases by doing just that." He swivelled to look at her. "But that's what they were. Cases. I didn't know who they were, what their families were like when they were younger. I didn't know their hopes, dreams, who they loved, where they went on a Saturday with their mates, if they have any, after a rough day, assuming they worked or if they snuck off to the museum on Tuesday afternoons, though maybe that _is_ just Gus."

Alice had been listening intently though the whole thing and was about to interrupt when she saw the look in Shawn's eyes and something inside her twinged.

"But the truth is, if it had been Gus, if he was the one that had fallen out of that window, then I probably would have done exactly the same thing that you did." He paused. "Though I would have used an iron instead of a toaster, he had this weird thing about toast that I never got but then look at me, in mean the first thing I asked you was if you wanted to split a pineapple, though a pineapple is way better then toast. It's healthier, juicier and…"

"Ok, I get it. You like pineapples." Alice blurted out, Shawn had gotten faster and faster and harder to understand. Plus she had already been through one of his pineapple speeches before, and once was _more_ then enough.

Shawn gave a nervous chuckle followed quickly by a deep sigh. "What I'm trying to say, very badly I might add, is that I'm sorry and I really truly mean that. But I understand that you don't care what I have to say because nothing can bring her back, and for that I am so sorry." To emphasise his point, Shawn looked Alice straight in the eyes so that she could see his pain and his anguish but above all, his sincerity.

Alice sighed for what seemed like the millionth time since Shawn had entered the room and lowered her eyes, not being to stand the pity she saw in Shawn's. "Why do you care so much? I would have thought you would be with your girlfriend calming her down."

"Jules isn't my girlfriend!" Shawn responded immediately.

"I was talking about Gus." Alice dead-panned. "But seriously, why do you care?"

Shawn pushed himself off of the wall and came over to the cell Alice was shut in. He slid down the wall, then rested his arms on his knees. He had been dreading this part.

"Look Alice, there's something I need to tell you that you are definitely not going to like." Shawn sighed, returning his stare back to the spot by the door again with such ferocity and pensiveness that it looked as if he relied on it to protect him. "The truth is, when I was ten, my dad took me and Gus trick-or-treating. My dad was still a cop at the time so when he was driving us home, this guy ran over and said that a mental patient at the psychiatric hospital was about to jump out of her window and that they needed his help. So, like the good little cop he was, my dad drove to the hospital and ran up to help the lady before anything happened though not before telling us to close our eyes and block our ears. Me being me though, I looked, and when Gus tried to get me to close the again we saw the lady begin to fall out the window, but I shut my eyes and didn't see the rest. I assumed that she had died so at school the next day me and Gus started telling people what had happened. We only found out a few days ago that my dad had pulled her back in and we had been spreading lies that turned into the town myth."

Alice stared at the side of Shawn's head while trying to process what he was saying. "So you're telling me that… that… you… and… Gus… you started the urban legend. You're the reason my sister was killed. You're the reason that the other girls died, that Detective O'Hara almost died. This is all your fault!" At this point, Alice was already on her feet trying to reach Shawn through the bars.

"Well Gus helped." Shawn mumbled weakly as he scooted just out of the crazy psycho's reach.

"I don't give a crap about Gus, you… you… MURDERER!" Grabbing the cup in her cell, Alice threw it at Shawn's retreating form. An evil smirk crossed her face when the door Shawn was leaning against suddenly opened to reveal Detective Lassiter, the angry look on his face replaced by one of shock and a dash of concern as Shawn landed in his arms.

"What the HELL is going on in here?" And although he appeared pissed off, Alice could still see the anxiety in his eyes as he gazed at Shawn; that and the way he was still holding onto Shawn's arm.

"Nothing, nothing at all is happening in here. Geeze Lassie, calm down would you. You'd even wake my dad with that yelling and he lives thirty minutes away and is partially deaf..."

"Shawn…"

"…But don't tell him I said that. Though he'll find out eventually, he always does." Shawn continued without even acknowledging Lassiter's interruption and he slowly began inching towards the now open door. He clapped his hands together and straightened up "Anywhoo, I'm gonna go sleep. Or do some psychic stuff. Maybe eat a pineapple.' Shawn hesitated. 'Definitely eat a pineapple. Bye." And with a nod of the head as though agreeing with himself, Shawn was out the door before anyone else could make a sound, leaving Alice and Lassiter in a stunned silence.

Later that evening, Detective Carlton Lassiter was driving home when he saw a light on in the Psych office. Casting a quick glance at the dashboard and noting that it was two in the morning he decided to investigate. Lassiter shut off the engine and climbed out the car. Once he reached the office, he paused for a second as a noise drifted into his ears and then identifying the sound immediately rushed into the building.

Lassiter's heart dropped when his gaze focused on the small bundle in the corner, shaking from crying and the coldness of the room. Striding over to the shivering form, he removed his jacket and covered the person's shoulders before wrapping his arms around their waist and bringing their head to rest on his chest, underneath his chin. The figure tensed, and then sniffing, buried their head into Lassiter's neck.

Lassiter wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but eventually the figure eased away from Lassiter, though still remained in his arms resting their head on Lassiter's shoulder. The shaking had decreased, the remaining raking the body caused by the atmosphere and no longer sadness though Lassiter could still see silent tears trickling down the slightly tanned face. His heart panged with sorrow at the dull and lifeless look in the usually vibrant and mischievous green eyes and he shut his own to prepare himself for what was about to happen.

When he opened his eyes, Shawn was staring up at him as best he could in the position they were in. His eyes shut and he hung his head on his chest as though he expected Lassiter had come to yell at him for another screw-up.

"Shawn? Shawn, look at me." Nothing. "Please?"

Slowly Shawn raised his head again to look at Lassiter. "Why?" He whispered

"Why want?" Carlton replied, rubbing Shawn's arms to maintain the heat that the body desperately needed as he was sure Shawn had been sitting in the room on the wooden floor since he left the station.

"Why are you here? Why are you being nice?" He hesitated before burying himself into the jacket and whispering: "Why do you care?"

Lassiter was shocked. "Do you really have to ask?" Shawn… I love you, and honestly you're starting to scare me a little."

Shawn looked up at Carlton and seeing the truth in his words allowed another tear to fall from his eyes before taking a deep breath. "I love you too, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for always getting in the way. I'm sorry that I make things up when people could get hurt. And they did, Carly, if I had done what my dad said and not looked then all those girls would still be alive and the parents wouldn't have to be burying them."

Lassiter shook his head gently but kept eye contact with Shawn knowing the next few words out of his mouth were vital.

"Lassie, if I had done what my dad said that day then they wouldn't have gone to that 'haunted' hospital and she wouldn't have died and the her sister wouldn't have needed revenge and Bianca and the others wouldn't have died and Jules would have been safe and helping you with Googlebreath or whatever her name was… she was weird. I hope she doesn't stay on the force."

"Me too Shawn." Carlton laughed lightly remembering the store incident then pulled Shawn into his embrace again planting a soft kiss into the man's brown silky hair. "This wasn't your fault Shawn; we can never know what may happen if you did actually listen to someone but what happened, happened. You had no idea how she would react, that she would murder anyone. You were ten; everyone makes-up crap when they're ten Shawn, me included." Here Carlton paused and held Shawn in front of him keeping eye contact to hammer the point he was about to make home in Shawn's cluttered mind. "Gus and you may have talked about the events of that night but you had no control over how far the people you told would over exaggerate it, it's as much their fault as the sorority that took Alice's sister there in the first place. You can't blame yourself for this!"

Lassiter watched as Shawn contemplated what he said, before shrugging off the jacket Lassiter had covered him with and pulled himself to his feet. Silently offering his hand to the detective still on the floor, Shawn assisted him to his feet before making his way around the office, checking that everything was locked up for the night. It wasn't until they were standing in Carlton's apartment 20 minutes later that Shawn acknowledged his presence again as he collapsed onto the bed next to Carlton, leaning his head on his chest and wrapping an arm around the detectives waist, squeezing hard as though trying to meld the two bodies together.

Carlton knew that Shawn was still blaming himself. He also knew that there was nothing else he could say at this point with it so fresh in all their minds. That's why, when he felt a wet patch gradually growing on his t-shirt and Shawn shaking gently in his arms, he merely tightened his grip on the man he loved more than anything and placed a gently kiss on the top of his head, content to be there as long as Shawn needed him.


End file.
